'Um, Sarge, I think you should come out here, we appear to have sprung a leak'

"Actually, you'd be amazed how often this scenario pops up on the battlefield."

Things were looking dim for the U.S.A.'s national Tug of War team.

That is, until Steve came with backup.

Though necessary for efficient breeding, determining tank gender is dangerous business and requires redundant testing.

A precious technique that could have saved many lives at Tianamen...

The harvester operator sighed. This year's soldier crop was a poor one indeed.

If you can dodge a tank, you can dodge a ball.

A furious Stg Steve goes to check who tipped his dominos

Even with his crippling lack of peripheral vision, Private Schroeder was determined not to let anyone through this checkpoint.

What the soldiers didn't know was that this was an intelligence test, not an agility one. Disappointingly, only a handful went around the the tank.

George, the tank's got too much clearance, we're not actually crushing anyone yet.

Unfortunately for Private Tucker (may God rest his soul), the recruit in front of him popped a boner at the worst possible time.

This form of battle simulation was abandoned after it became apparent that we would never fight a country civilized enough to have tanks.

Weary, scared and hungry, the tank turned to see if the trail of army men he had left behind were still there to mark the way home.

Well Private Bailey, your plan is crazy enough it might just work