Not what I meant when I said we should drink a whole case tonight.

Somewhere, a genie is growing very impatient with baggage claim.

"Sure, you drank it all, but to be a real man, you have to eat the suitcase."

We were only going to send a message, but of course the wife had to pack her make-up, a hair-dryer, shampoo, her nice shoes, 3 pairs of sunglasses, a back-up purse, perfume...

The new TSA packing guidelines are ridiculous...!

Coincidentally, the chest inside is where he keeps all of his bottles.

With a sinking sensation, John realized where he'd left his keys.

The crowd roared at David Blaine’s latest feat, where he locked up Carrot Top in the comic's own prop trunk and then magically sealed it in a glass bottle.

Bottle of red, bottle of white...it all depends upon your Samsonite.

They are making it harder and harder to get into Narnia.

“Fuck, you leave your bag unattended for 1 minute these days and they quarantine it.”

Because a fanny pack in a bottle just makes you look like another tourist.

“It’s just my wife’s creative way of sending me the message that she knows about my mistress and that she’s kicking me out of the house.”

Amy's Winehouse.

Yes, I know you said you had a lot of weird baggage, but I thought you were referring to childhood memories. So no, I don't have a handcart.