Before we do this, I feel obligated to tell you, I have termites.

"I'm going to get into her pants. I know exactly which strings to pull to make it happen."

Pinocchio always wanted to be a real boy...But he couldn't pass up a fine piece of Oak like that!

There's Something About Marionette.

“Stop freaking out Lucy. I told you it’s just morning wood.”

"You ever feel like we're just being hopelessly strung along? That we're not really in control of our own destinies? I think about stuff like that ALL the time."

Later that day, they formed a splinter cell.

"Splinter? I hardly knew her!"

Sonny and Cher are another act that suffered from the invention of Hi-def TV.

The date was going well, until they crossed paths with a ceiling fan.

Pull the string that pulls my finger.

“Maybe I have pencil dick NOW. But, before I started humping your dry-as-sandpaper cooch, I was packing a Redwood down there.”

“One of these days, we will escape and run away from all of this to Hollywood and become Muppets.”

"Did you know that I was the body double in Team America?"

The puppet master place his puppets down on the ground, undid his pants, and let the real puppet show begin.