You usually have to give Scientology at least $50,000 before they’ll show you this.

They realized it was pregnant. Soon, all eyes began to drift toward Captain Kirk, who was suddenly VERY interested in his communicator.

The alien claimed to have come to dispense justice. Also, shampoo and conditioner, depending on the nozzle.

“Don't shoot! It’s unarmed.”

Since he wasn't succesful at making useful sprinklers, Picasso decided to become an artist instead.

The invasion ended poorly when the Earth women simply grabbed the aliens and shoved them into a drawer next to their beds.

I've heard of blue balls but what the hell is this

In the latest version of “War of the Worlds,” the aliens are defeated by their love of Earth’s fast food.

Our new Xornax-5 model allows you to anally probe 3 humans at once. It's ergonomic design also reduces repetitive-strain injuries. It can be yours for only 5 equal payment of 29 quatloos a month.

"Don't move....and remember. He's just as unimpressed with you, as you are with him."

Pixar seems to be running out of ideas, good ones anyway.

The kind of art you can put outside a bedroom window in the middle of the night

I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.

"To date, I've found the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, Jimmy Hoffa's body and this alien from the 4th dimension. But the mysterious clitoris and the mythical G-Spot continue to elude me."

"I bought it for my kid to play with in the summer... but I.... I haven't seen her since..."