Miles away, he heard his invention being insulted.

It was so powerful, he could hear the Black Eyed Peas halftime show decades into the future. He destroyed it immediately.

"I can positively affirm that when a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, it does make a sound. Tax money well spent."

Though innovative, binoculars for the blind never caught on.

You kids and your ipods, back in my day...

Hans learned 2 things today: 1, his wife is a screamer. 2, the mailman must die.

“I can hear the enemy approaching 5 miles out from the west, our ambush party setting up to attack them 3 miles out, and my whore of a wife fucking our asshole Captain again in the barn down the road.”

Fred finally heard what God was trying to tell him - "You're wasting your life!"

Back in the day, pirating music concerts required special equipment.

At ease Canada. No one's going to attack you.

“We only meant it as a harmless joke. I mean, who knew his head would explode when we lit the firecrackers. We still would have done it, but we would have at least put down newspaper first.”

Yep, I can still hear your wife bitching

"Admiral Splorg, we are ready for the Invasion of Earth. Shall I prep the fleet?" "Hold on captain, something isn't right here. It's the strangest feeling. I-I think someone can hear us."

Closed Craptioning for the hearing impaired.

Fortunately for the world, Swiss neutrality meant that the 'Yodelmatic' was never used in anger.