Some train wrecks occur before the engine even starts moving.

"We're gonna need a bigger hamster."

The train robbers walked away with $5.78, two bongs and some patchouli oil.

The drugs already wore off, but nobody wanted to say anything since a lot of time and effort was already invested in this trip to mars.

This train always arrives at 4:20. Unless it doesn't.

It was funny until the Amtrak Express came through, then it was totally hilarious.

Just another Alabama wedding.

Suddenly tragedy struck. A woman in her car was stuck 20 feet out in front of them on the crossroad. She would only have 35 minutes before she was mildly nudged by the Soultrain.

We're gonna cross the border without any papers and give Mexico a little taste of their own medicine.

"To Imperial Londinium where we shall dine upon roast partridge and ale!" "you mean your mom's house for Mountain Dew and Doritos?" "...yes"

"What do you mean, "We're lost"?? How the fuck can we be lost?

Steam punk engine.

After about an hour and much debate, it was Jed, with his decades of experience working the Ozark Express, that saved the day. "That way" was in fact forward.

Some people will do anything to get out of Utah

Cat Stevens was wrong about the Peace Train.