Santa would find himself on the FBI's naughty list this year

At the North Pole, no one can hear you scream.

"This is the worst Hannukah ever."

Rob Zombie remakes The Santa Clause

From the upcoming ABC/Hallmark Special: Daddy was Killed in a Coal Mining Accident, but Mommy is a Taxidermist and Christmas is Saved!

Our father would often wear Santa's dead face skin around the holidays.

PLEASE INSERT DISC TO RECEIVE APPROPRIATE COMPENSATION...HO..HO..BZZT..HO....

Day 217 of captivity: It is now August, the cookies and milk have run out and the children feed me reindeer.

"Here you go, children, it's what I've given you every Christmas. Nightmares!"

And like that, all the magic was gone

Unfortunately, the children mistook the Soul Collector for Santa.

"It rubs the peppermint on its skin, or else it gets the coal again."

"Eva, you're on the naughty list this year, but so am I."

What part of "you better watch out" did you little morons not understand?

Claire was unaware that Santa's coughing heralded a contagious tubercular epidemic. Ignorance that would later cost lives.