I didn't know Jay Leno had relatives at Pompeii!

"No Fuck that, I'm gonna go over there and give that bitch Medusa a piece of my mind!!"

Recent archaeological finds reveal that ancient civilizations also had ZZ Top.

Michelangelo soon learned to stop letting people touch the statues before they were dry.

CRAPCHINS!

In some countries, Santa is just plain fucking horrifying

While the aliens were able to shapeshift and make themselves LOOK human...the fact is, they just weren't that good at it.

He should have taken the "I'll stick my foot up your ass" threat seriously.

The patron wasn't happy with how the sculptor rendered his nose, but he didn't complain; As you can guess, he's the sort of person who can take it on the chin.

Well, I had a lot of clay left over, and the shop wouldn't take it back, and it'd be a shame to waste it, so...

Keep your chin up, Fred... er, I mean, you've got to face your problem... um, what I meant to say was, you've got to stop letting people get in your face... er, um, ah.... Fred, you've got a butt ugly face!

Is it stupid art? Yes. But at least it's also a sundial.

Massive explosion at mud pie factory... survivors pulled from the rubble...

- You're getting a chin job tomorrow? Don't you know it's Bring Your Child to Work Day at the clinic? - Oh, come on. What's the worst that can happen?

Mount Rushmore becomes self-aware 2:14 AM Eastern time...