"Here's a snake for you...and a worm for you...and a weiner for you...and a sausage for you...and a legless centipede for you...and a spear for you...and a pole for you...and a legless lizard for you..."

Alright kids, everybody swallow one and then we're gonna play a little game called "run across the border as fast as you can" okay?

"Wait . . . we're supposed to turn the BALLOONS into animals? SHIT!"

Pictured: Jobs you should not to put on your resume.

Caught off guard, the Thai army did its best to find uniforms, weapons and recruits.

How did these guys get within 150 feet of these children?

They're folding balloons in the Philippines. That makes them... MANILA FOLDERS!

He knew Buddhists were supposed to want for nothing, but Trang couldn't help it -- he just fucking loved balloons.

"Sooooooo...do you like gladiator movies?"

I am not a fan of the TSA's new dress code. Not a fan at all.

Here you go, tiny, impoverished, Haitian child. It's a BALLOON pretzel. Eat up.

Funerals are different in the Philippines.

They used to be a simple, primitive people. Now, thanks to science, they're a simple, primitive people WITH COLORFUL BALLOONS!!

"That better be a pony you're making. I'm just the right height to punch you in the balls and get away with it."

"So little girl, you like snakes?"