"Hell yeah I peed in the water. Did you see the key to the bathroom?"

I don't mind walking it, or cleaning up its mess. But the damn thing humps anything with a keyhole.

Somehow, I thought the Florida Keys would be different.

"Sometimes people ask me where I'm dragging this 'Key,' and I say 'West.' It gets a laugh about 20 percent of the time."

Sisyphus' brother, Toughypus, once keyed Zeus' chariot.

"Excuse me. I am the Keymaster. Are you the Gatekeeper?"

He wanted to make sure everyone knew he had the biggest house on the lake.

This will make more sense when the tide comes in.

After all the pain and hardships he endured, Jerry knew that it would all be worth it when he finally popped open that chastity belt.

The art director for the new Keystone beer ad campaign has just been sacked.

He may be tied to the lochs, but he's really pining for the fjords...

I, for one, prefer my lakes to be pretentious and ugly as hell.

"...Sadly, his experiments failed. Later, Benjamin Franklin picked up where his research left off, and got results by attaching the key to a kite."

After responding to the comic book ad, Little Mac went back to the beach to fuck shit up.

"This statue represents the bondage of time and the futility of man's....WHOA! Check out the chick in the red bikini! I'd hit that!"