"I'll tell you what the problem is...the damn brown bears keep coming up from the south and taking our jobs. That, and the black bears are too lazy to work."

"Hi, I'm endangered. Wanna help raise our population?"

My pole just went from South to North.

So you're saying that even if there's some finite probability that you, acting unilaterally, right here, right now, can lower greenhouse emissions by 10% by tickling my balls, you wouldn't do it?

Oooh, sorry, I can't do Friday. I've gotta go and sleep for 6 months. How about April?

You know if this was a black bear, there would be no newspaper interview and instead the Mounties would be beating his ass right now.

“I don't care if polar bears are going extinct. I am protesting the fact that they stop serving beer half way through the third period at Leafs games.”

Have you ever seen BJ and the bear? Come back to my place and we can act it out.

"Ok, Mr. Wuzzy. This citation is for public urination, devouring a baby seal, and for log splitting. Your court date is on the back."

"Sir.I'm going to have to write this ticket." "Cuz I'm not wearing the bottom half of this costume?" "That's right sir. Because you're not wearing the bottom half of that costume."

"No, I'm a Poland bear. Why do you ask?"

Do you know why I'm ticketing you, massive, man-eating carnivore who is standing in downtown Medicine Hat amongst the horrifying, bloody carnage of a once-peaceful protest?

Canada ... our airport greeters are badass

No, that's really good for a first-year student. Reasonable people can quibble over the particulars but you've captured its essence quite well. I'm gonna put my pants back on now.

She just wants to know.. What he'll do for a Klondike bar!