Hi. Sports Illustrated? Yeah, no... no I got the swimsuit issue. I was just calling to cancel my subscription.

The hospital keeps her on retainer for when a guy comes in with an erection that's lasted longer than 4 hours.

Trust me: If she asks you if you want her to "make them talk" say "no."

"This may be the first time that an ass has actually checked me out, instead of the other way around."

this girl had the most ingenious response to her boyfriend asking for more head...

On her front is just one large long face, with two drooping eyes and a beard.

Oh man, I was so trashed last night. Thank goodness I didn't do anything I'd regret.

"THOSE are the heels you're wearing to your sister's wedding???"

Don't make that face behind my back...

Those are the souls of her first 16 husbands.

Why the long face face face face face face face face face face face face face face face?

The things you can catch from a toilet seat are just getting worse and worse all the time...

You know how sometimes pretty women never get picked up because they intimidate men. Turns out the same's true of crazy bitches.

Man's worst nightmare #123: an ass that stares back.

“I’m sorry honey, I can't take you from behind. I just can’t perform when I’m being watched.”