Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I just don't get tampon commercials

"...and I took THIS piece to the Antiques Roadshow. Anyway, long story short, I'm a registered sex offender."

The worst thing about scientology is communion

Making it look like a science experiment was the only way to hide my bong from my parents.

Dude! I told you I was going to "tap" that.

After hearing about Van Gogh's ear, Salvador Dali decided to one-up him.

You can see how old Lady Gaga is, by counting the rings!

"Look, Jimmy. You're going to have to pick a major. Art class or chemistry?"

No mouth, no hands to hold a credit card, and it dispenses grape koolaid. I would buy it a wedding ring right now, if there were anywhere for her to wear one.

Barbie had suffered enough of Ken's lies, and his smooth front. Then one day, she just snapped.

Sister: dead; science fair: won; life: complete.

Gentlemen, we can't rebuild him. We don't have the technology.

Urine big trouble girly, you really blue it this time!

Willy Wonka had to make weekly juicing appointments for Violet. This went on for decades.

"I spy with my little eye something that is blue." - "Is it disturbing?" - "Yes." - "That art piece in the corner." - "Damn, you're good."