By God, he'll get that damn roadrunner this time!

This is ok to take on the plane, but God help you if you bring more than 3 ounces of shampoo.

After making the A-Bomb, Oppenheimer spent his next 30 years of government grants basically fucking around and seeing how much he could get away with.

Yeah, I know. I KNOW. But Apple made it, so it's already sold 15 million units.

Because Fuck You future archeologists.

"Face it Gentlemen, we're not rocket scientists and we never will be."

There comes a point where it is just easier to pay for satellite television.

It's easy to spot who had help with their science fair projects

These new dentist chairs do nothing to relieve my anxiety

I don't know what it is, but God, I hope my tetanus shots are up to date.

"Can you describe the vehicle he drove?"..."Are you fucking serious?"

No BP, this will not work

Anna Nicole Smith did leave her sex toy to Paris Hilton in her will.

AA Batteries and an attorney are not included.

Awww, what a cute little Killdozer.