It runs on ignorance and a false sense of entitlement.

Nothing says American patriotism like a gas-guzzling car, obesity, flags made in China and bought on sale at Wal-Mart.

What's the problem? THEY DIDN'T HAVE RED WHITE AND BLUE FUZZY DICE??? OR MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T LOVE AMERICA ENOUGH!"

Ten bucks says he's a Russian spy.

While we watch him, a car with a whole bunch of Mexican flags is sneaking in.

Warning: Standing within 30 meteres may cause sudden patriotism, desire to bare arms, hatred of homosexuals and conversion to a much more complicated system of measurement.

It does 0-50 stars in 200 years.

"Look, I'm sorry sir but we would like a passport."

Oh, thank God. I was worried Uncle Roy would do something over-the-top.

There's no "I" in team. But there's two in "idiot".

"Sir, this isn't the Pride parade you think it is, and yet... you somehow still fit in!"

John passed the U.S. citizenship test with flying colors. Lots and lots of flying colors.

The only way Elton John can travel safely through Alabama.

The Fuzzy Dice are there to "keep it classy."

Finally, a solution to the immigration problem! We'll scare everyone away.