But will it make you a sandwich?

Your wife would never have found out if you had just hid the hookers in the closet, but nooooo, you had to get creative!

I think I lost my keys in the cracks of the chair, but I dont dare look for them until the company leaves.

Putting a small flower in any room always adds a little class.

These girls are ready, willing, and table.

The only bad part is that there are a lot of awkward boners when the guys come over to play poker...

The only things I got to keep after the divorce

"Ha, and they said my hobbies couldn't be combined!"

I can't wait until my toilet arrives

"Grab the shotgun... the other chair escaped!!"

How to keep your parents from visiting: Tip #328.

Now that's recycling.

"What missing women, officer?"

Even serial killers can be interested in design

When I told you his new girlfriend is a doormat, I seriously meant a doormat.