Please ask the French to stop sending us gifts.

At least some people in Pompeii were having fun.

In our culture we just typically wave back, but whatever.

"It puts Thompson's Water Seal on its skin, or else it gets the hose again."

They found each other on a carbon dating site

Filling the kiddie pool with liquid nitrogen is a lot funnier than it sounds

what the average foreigner thinks the average American looks like

Art historians questioned the authenticity of the recently discovered Michelangelo work, "Two Fat Fucks With a Hose".

After the royal palace nearly burned down, The Queen of Hearts decided Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum were the worst firefighters in Wonderland.

Willie Wonka told them not to eat the Snozberries...

I'm metaphoring you. Do you feel covered in metaphor yet?

In the 1930's, porn of this magnitude was revolutionary.

Yes, I really do believe if we add water we'll get rid of these tiny heads.

There are some things even a pigeon won't poop on.

The irony is....well, you know.