"If you keep making that face you'll be stuck like that" -Unknown, Pompeii AD 79

To make pure baby oil, first you must drain all the natural moisture from a baby.

My First Tragic Skin Disease, by Hasbro.

Having a Fantastic Four-Some was a bad idea.

He's being bullied at school by another kid - made of paper.

What gnomes put in their front yards.

Look Medusa, it's your very first baby b-- ...oops.

Lot's son didn't actually look at anything, but he cried a lot, and God hated that too.

And for Christmas I want a pentagram..and and and..candles...and and a tunnel to the nether world....

Games of freeze tag used to have much more devastating consequences

It's a difficult age. You know... the stone age.

Kid Rock.

Let this be a warning, parents: water your children regularly

That's disgusting. What kind of parents would let their child go out and get plastered?

I use this as a warning to keep those god damned kids OFF MY LAWN.