No, I do not want a little Captain in me.

It was the worse case of whiskey-dick that Earl had ever had.

Mardi Gross.

For every queen, a Crown.

Southwest Airlines called. You're too ugly to fly.

What happens in New Orleans stays...plastered on the internet forever.

Gives a whole new meaning to the word cocktail.

Marty Graw never missed an opportunity to live up to his name.

Crown jewels.

He had sex with this bottle after drinking some poor woman...

No, that's all right. Leave the cork in.

Reason 462 why I became a teetotaller. And lesbian. And a Canadian...

WARNING: THIS PICTURE MAY CAUSE CHILDREN TO CRY.

Even the homeless get a tooth fairy.

This is the part of the story Kevin Smith neglected to Tweet.