Kobe explaining to the press just how big Shaq's penis really is

Kirby Bryant prepares to inhale a group of camera monsters

"Stop! No flash photography! You're only making him angry!"

Feeding time has always been one of Staples Center's most popular events.

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!"

National Geographic would pay big bucks for a picture of the elusive "African Millionaire Celebritry Rapist" in it's natural habitat.

Kobe had tried to hide it from the press for years, but finally, his explosive diarrhea problem became public.

When asked how he had won the game, Kobe showed them his secret: Fresh breath.

Kobes first reaction when he finds out the chick he was banging in Colorado used to be a dude

"HADOKEN!!"

Kobe preparing to perform the infamous "fart implosion" tactic.

And he huffed, and he puffed, but he couldn't blow away the rape charge.