While driving away, Ted wondered whether he had done the right thing by giving the stranger directions to the orphanage.

Excuse me would you like to volunteer for a medical study.

Excuse me but I somehow ended up in the wrong craption. Can you please point the way to Little Jimmy's nightmares?

Do you have any Grey Poupon?

Aw, mom, you always make me come home just when I'm having the most fun.

I got nothin'. Roseanne's tampon service technician? Fuck it, it's the end of the year and I need a drink.

Are you going to stop eating meat or is PETA going to have to get medieval on your ass?

HELP ME I JUST ESCAPED FROM GARY BUSEY'S HOUSE!!!

"Congratulations! It's a... block of wood..."

Yeah... um... so I need help changing my tires so I can flee the police.

'No, Carl, keep driving. I'm all out of change, and they just dirty up the windshield.'

HELLO CAR! I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY.

Hi Helen....It's me, Carl...Remember that time you stood me up for the junior prom? It nearly killed me, but I've been released now, and......

How dare you question my credentials. I'm a board certified physician.

I'm not sure if they meant stake or steak, but I want to be sure the vampire dies.