if only my legs were the same length my pictures would be level.

I come on Cracked to do a craption on Christmas and I am watching a Star Trek marathon. Fuck My Life.

ten minutes before the most horrific drive by

Don't worry Christmas craption writers, my family doesn't love me either...

12:00 AM December 26th - a riot breaks out on the streets of San Fransisco as every mall Santa in the country rushes to drink their asses off.

That dick ran a red light!!!!

Would the real Chris Cringle please stand up?

The North Pole gang, or the Red Riders, ironically, control most of the South side of town.

I'll stand over here, guys. I suffer from claus-trophobia.

The secret to Santa's ability to travel around the world in one night: Cloning Elixir

Wow! I'm in this Craption! I'm the guy in the Santa suit!

Hey, Dave, you did make sure to spellcheck the satanic orgy flyers, didn't you?

they probably want a refund for chinese democracy

Seen here: A bull's ultimate wet dream.

God, upset that the santas had migrated so far south for Mardi Gras, tilted the world 20 degrees so they'd slide their drunk asses back to the north pole where they belong!