CRACKED.com announced today that a full .25% of their website's traffic comes from web surfers using Apple's
"We couldn't believe it when we saw the numbers in Google Analytics," Cracked assistant editor David Wong said. "For every 100 people that visit CRACKED, one-fourth of one of them is iPhoning it up. Probably just the head, one arm and maybe part of the torso. It's really the only way they can log in, the poor, deformed freaks."
Editor Jack O'Brien expressed little surprise at the website's veritable iOnslaught of iTraffic. "The typical Cracked.com user is a man on the make. He needs his comedy in numbered lists because he's busy closing deals and having sexual intercourse with women," O'Brien said before putting down the company's ad pitch script to push an intern's head into a fart.
Editorial assistant Dan O'Brien predicted that, "In the future when everyone in the world has an iPhone, one fourth of the world will be visiting Cracked every single day," though, given O'Brien's history with wildly inaccurate predictions, (flying cars in '93, bears that can teach math by '97, and a gay, robot president in 2004,), this comment should be taken with a grain of salt.
The Cracked staff expressed tentative plans to ask Apple for "a cut of some of that iPhone loot." Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment.
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.
It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.