Due to events far too complex too go into, I've had a Wii and full library of games at my house for some months, something I wouldn't normally be able to afford. And it's been pleasant. There's a minigame in Mario Party
where you shake a can of soda, and playing it is exactly like the very end of masturbating. I'm good at that one. Also soccer.
But this Wii Fit
shit has officially crossed the line. Not just because playing it makes you look retarded; I played Dance Dance Revolution
and collected pogs (and made my own pogs), so I canât really take the high ground there. The thing about Wii Fit
that I canât stand is that itâs depriving a whole generation of kids a classic rite of passage: ogling the women in workout tapes.
Personally, I work out with
. I said it, and Iâll say it again: The Firm
Traditionally a womanâs exercise tape, but god damn it, I wouldnât change my morning workout routine for all the tampons in China.
I donât care if Johnny Lee
makes it so Wii Fit
implants memories of kicking ass with Van Damme into my brain while lasers sculpt my musculature into that of a Greek God. I will still work out with The Firm: Upper Body and Standing Legs
and The Firm: 5-Day Abs and Tough Tape II
(It really is quite tough).
First of all, itâs cheaper; for the price of