Due to events far too complex too go into, I've had a Wii and full library of games at my house for some months, something I wouldn't normally be able to afford. And it's been pleasant. There's a minigame in Mario Party
where you shake a can of soda, and playing it is exactly like the very end of masturbating. I'm good at that one. Also soccer.
But this Wii Fit
s**t has officially crossed the line. Not just because playing it makes you look retarded; I played Dance Dance Revolution
and collected pogs (and made my own pogs), so I canât really take the high ground there. The thing about Wii Fit
that I canât stand is that itâs depriving a whole generation of kids a classic rite of passage: ogling the women in workout tapes.
Personally, I work out with
. I said it, and Iâll say it again: The Firm
Traditionally a womanâs exercise tape, but god damn it, I wouldnât change my morning workout routine for all the tampons in China.
I donât care if Johnny Lee
makes it so Wii Fit
implants memories of kicking ass with Van Damme into my brain while lasers sculpt my musculature into that of a Greek God. I will still work out with The Firm: Upper Body and Standing Legs
and The Firm: 5-Day Abs and Tough Tape II
(It really is quite tough).
First of all, itâs cheaper; for the price of