5 Lessons That Suicide Squad Needs To Learn For Its Sequel

Much has also been said about the tonal difference between Suicide Squad and something like Batman v. Superman. The former has the tone of a grown man shoving hot sauce packets into his sphincter, hoping that you'll like him. The latter has the tone of a stray dog out in the rain. The former was meant to fix the latter, and it did not, because you can't just say "That movie was too serious. For the next one, we need to put on a blindfold and shoot jokes at the dialogue."

Both of these things were desperate attempts at being "different," all in the place of doing something truly different. If they want to create an alternative to the goody-two-shoes antics that you see in stuff like Wonder Woman, they have to start from the ground up. It has to look different. It has to be shot differently. There have to be different morals in place, and different stakes. If I'm watching a movie about ultimately irredeemable bad guys, it has to be about some bad guys instead of temporarily awful bros just waiting for their chance to punch the clock and head into Redemption Land. And if it's a smaller story about characters who don't have the fame of Batman and Superman, you can't end it with a giant laser / unstoppable monster that threatens the whole world.

Make it gritty, and make it actually feel seedy. And if you want your movie about serial killers to be effective, it has to make audiences feel a little gross. We're rooting for the clown girl who has disemboweled a whole borough of Gotham at this point? Is this right? Why? Batman v. Superman actually got the tone of a perfect Suicide Squad movie better than the real Suicide Squad movie did, because the whole time you're wondering if you can really justify what Batman and Superman are doing. I'm not asking for a movie that tries too hard and gives us some hardcore Zack Snyder fanfiction. I just want a movie that is different because, at its core, it's about the villains, and not a bunch of relapsed antiheroes.

He manipulated Harley Quinn, tortured her, killed countless people senselessly, constantly plays mind games with everyone, and has more resources than any other villain in town. That's way more despicable than the usual Suicide Squad MO of "I did bad things, etc." Or shove Jesse Eisenberg's Lex Luther in as the villain in Suicide Squad 2. That dude is almost equally slimy, and he presents a threat that the team would have to struggle to match. Or have them team up, and watch them set fire to the film as they try to out-weird each other.

Suicide Squad 2 absolutely needs to fix this -- not only because a good, well-choreographed fight scene can make a movie, but because it will be weird if the second Suicide Squad plot in a row is "They fight faceless goons in various alleys and buildings for a straight hour." There are plenty of superhero abilities that lend themselves to sweet one-on-one duels to the death. Katana vs. Lady Shiva, Deadshot vs. Deathstroke, Harley Quinn vs. Joker. Look at that face.

"Roundhouse-kick me, please." That's what that face is saying.

It does not fit in Suicide Squad.

Sure, he's only around for a few short cameos, but as I said in a prior column, everything that Batman is in tends to become The Batman Show, starring Batman and a delightful supporting cast of Who Gives A Shit. So I don't need to see Ben Affleck and his beef temple of a chest lumbering around trying to make me appreciate the movie more. They want to tell varied stories about B-list criminals, but having Batman show up forces audiences to ask the question "Well, where's Batman now? Why isn't he coming back? He sure was neat earlier."

And I don't mean remove all references to him. There's nothing more grating than when a top superhero is established, and every street-level person has to pretend that they're still coming to odd grips with it. They do that all the time in the Netflix Marvel shows. "The world's changed now. There are green monsters, and men of iron." Shut up. Call him Iron Man. I know that you know that's his name. Why? Because he said it on TV a lot, and his building is the biggest goddamn thing in New York City.

It does a shared universe movie no benefits when characters are forced to hint about the larger world in the most awkward way possible. That's one of the reasons Wonder Woman works so well; it keeps that to a minimum. Never mind that it's in a different time period from most of the DCEU. If you have a tight, focused script, you shouldn't have to worry about using name-drops and winking cameos to keep audiences engaged. Solid stories are surprisingly underrated.

We should keep this trend going. Sadly, Hollywood doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to producing consistent films about badass women. They usually do one and say "Look, we made it! Are you happy now? Now go watch these 20 movies about dudes who want, and I hope you're sitting down for this, revenge." That's a shitty system. They're also pretty bad about sticking female characters in group movies. "Got 14 bros? A lady standing somewhere to the right should even THAT ratio."

There are too many good female villains in the DC Universe, and so few actually make it onscreen. So Suicide Squad, as a team film, is a great way to get audiences acquainted with them. Want to reinvent Poison Ivy's Hollywood image? Put her in Suicide Squad 2. Remember Livewire from Superman: The Animated Series? I'd be down to see a cool lady blasting lightning bolts at what I assume will probably be little clown-shaped robots in Suicide Squad 2. Giganta, Jinx, Magpie, Silver Banshee, Fatality, Duela Dent, Plastique, Shimmer, Queen Bee, Cheetah. That's just the tip of Killer Frost's iceberg. Oh, and bring back Katana from the first movie too, because she's cool and swords are cool, and the math just adds up.

I would watch a solo Queen Bee or Giganta movie right now. Unfortunately, we'll probably have to sit through about ten more attempts at making a solo Superman film happen before we get those. But if Suicide Squad films are going to continue to function as these weird "audition" movies to see if someone is going to be popular enough to spin off into their own thing, layer the team with female villains. And if you happen to give them personalities, not only will it make for a better flick, but Suicide Squad 2 will also be able to print its own currency, which will be accepted at your local Hot Topic.

And now that that's done, here's a rap video featuring Jared Leto's Joker and Rick Ross' Rick Ross. Sorry!

Daniel has a lot of dumb thoughts about Jared Leto's Joker, and eventually, they will all be revealed on his Twitter.

Hey did you know this isn't even the first Suicide Squad?

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