Last week Casey Anthony was found innocent of murdering her 2-year-old daughter despite overwhelming evidence that she probably did it. Now everyone who followed the case can only shake their heads, speculating loudly on why the legal system failed while privately acknowledging that maybe there are some jobs at which blind people just aren't any good.
"I can still hear, you jerk."
But one of the biggest travesties that will come out of the Casey Anthony fiasco will not be an original movie on Oxygen or the book she inevitably writes to maintain some semblance of relevance after the country moves on. No, it will be the illustrious career of Gale St. John, the psychic detective who assigned herself the case and accidentally succeeded at helping a little, despite herself. You probably haven't heard of her yet, so let me prepare you.
When a child initially disappears there is pandemonium. The news presents a grief-stricken family in front of a house over-run by police while neighbors look on. But after the camera crews leave and the dust settles, there is a moment of quiet.
That's when the psychics arrive.
"I sensed you
were vulnerable needed me."
They call the families of victims or just show up on doorsteps, wandering into the investigation with their palms out and their eyes closed, pointing at coffee tables and picture frames while accusing those objects of giving off signals. What those signals signify, however, they can't always say. "What we do isn't a science" they will tell you, "it isn't rational." It isn't anything.
"To date there is no recorded instance in England of psychics solving a criminal case or providing evidence of information which led directly to its solution." Edward Ellison of the U.K.'s Scotland Yard
"No psychic detective has ever been praised or given official recognition by the FBI or US national news for solving a crime, preventing a crime, or finding a kidnap victim or corpse." The Blue Sense: Psychic Detectives and Crime by Arthur Lyons and Marcello Truzzi
Even with a track record of zero wins throughout the entire history of psychic detectives, they can still get work consistently. They generally find clients by watching the news, or websites that compile all of the latest information on missing persons around the United States, specifically for psychics.
"According to this, Jason is buried on Sweet Hill. Also you're soul mates."
Gale St. John
Additionally, the type of "CPR" psychic detectives perform on these cases is usually more damaging than had they done nothing at all. In 2007 a psychic detective in Illinois was adamant that the
No one is more cavalier about tossing around bullshit in the face of atrocity than Sylvia Browne. She has given up on the foreplay that most psychics swear by, there's no holding photographs and concentrating on the face or pretending to channel a spirit, she just gets right to the business of
When psychic Joe Power helped a Karen Matthews try to find her missing daughter in 2009, he made several oblique predictions about the kidnapper and where he had taken the girl. In actuality, Karen Matthews herself had kidnapped her own daughter and was holding her bound and drugged in another town. After the mother was tried and sentenced, instead of apologizing for his mistake, Joe Power claimed to have suspected all along that the mother was responsible and to this day touts it as one of his great successes in his
No context here, just a thank you for sticking around through stories of child abduction.
Gale St. John now has a success under her belt as well which is gaining her national renown. Her psychic ability allows her to drive around in a minivan, feeling for the remains of victims like a human metal detector, except one that only finds corpses. She aptly named the method Blind Driving. And while driving blind around Orange Country, Florida in 2008 looking for Caylee Anthony, she pulled over (very close to where police would later find the body), and said
God damn it.
There's no way to know whether or not there are hours of extra footage of her doing this same thing all over Florida, but the fact remains that this video sure makes it look like her psychic powers worked. The consequences of this perceived achievement may seem negligible on the surface but it doesn't just lend credibility to the ridiculous bullshit that Gale St. John calls a job, it adds fuel to the argument that psychics aren't completely inept, and it perpetuates their ability to prey on grief-stricken families every time someone disappears.
For our collective cultural intelligence, this is potentially a big, stupid step backward and I'm just trying to curb it by providing some context.
"Hey, I heard there might be some sadness around here?"
And before anyone accuses me of getting self-righteous, I will also acknowledge that writers, in a lot of ways, are no better than psychics. We both spend every day pretending to know what we're doing, pretending that we see an element of the world beyond the scope of normal human senses. But we are lying. In the end we are just regular people who happen to be good at making things up. I'd like to set a precedent and be the first to come clean and say I'm sorry.
Plenty of everyday things have weird connections to the Nazis.
The thing about plot twists is that they almost never make sense on repeat viewing.
Sometimes the silliest goofballs get away with the vilest things.