DID YOU HEAR?! The Mars lander may have found ice on Mars
! That's right; in the cold reaches of space, millions of miles away, water freezes. Hooray.
Now, there aren't a lot of things I'm inherently good at: blogging, parasailing (never been, but I'm pretty sure)â¦actually, that's about it. But even so, I'm proud to announce that I am inherently superior to the Mars lander in every conceivable way.
I may not get attractive women knocking down my door, but Iâd sure as hell beat this thing in the swimwear portion of a male modeling competition. I mean itâs only got one big, stick-like metal arm, whereas my two arms are pleasantly meaty and human-sized. If you dispute my claims, just ask the nearest woman if sheâd rather have sex with Michael Swaim, or a pointy metal table. I think youâll find that nearly 68 percent of the time, Iâve got the Mars lander beat hands down.
NASA would have us believe that the Phoenix lander is a wonder of modern science just because it can be sent somewhere, then do stuff they told it to and call them about it. Well I hate to rain on your parade, scientists, but last night we were out of dog food, so I went to the grocery store, and then when I got there I forgot what kind I was supposed to get, so I called my fiancÃ©e at home to find out. And I did it all for less than 420 million dollars. Sure, Mars may be a little farther away, but the principle is the same. Give me a cell phone with a camera in it and send me on my way.