One of the many onerous burdens placed upon the Cracked blogger is that of wading through countless vapid, hastily-written web articles dissecting the minutiae of celebrities' lives to the point that one wonders if there wouldn't be profit in the attainment and sale of Lindsay Lohan's solid waste.
But of all the terrible places on the web dedicated to destroying the lives of our former idols for the sheer lulz of it, I've gotta hand it to the reporters at TMZ.com: at least they try to dress up their dreck by pretending they're fast-talkin' journalists from the forties. Aside from my daily ether rag, it's the only thing that makes my job bearable.
about Britney Spearsâ latest run-in with the law (something involving an industrial combine and that nice man with the big eyebrows from The OC
, I believe).
In three paragraphs, the reporter manages to insert the phrases âwill the judge be buyinâ what heâs sellinâ,â âall things Britney,â âthe whole magilla,â âtake a hike,â and my personal favorite âsmells like it.â
In light of this, I have a personal request for the reporters over at TMZ: as someone who relies on your ânewsâ on a daily basis, it would really mean a lot to me if youâd go even further in dressing up these stories. Reporting on Britney as Jennifer Leigh in