Wait Til You Hear Who's Review-Bombing 'Captain Marvel'

Captain Marvel is set to have an enormous $100-million-plus opening weekend. Its advance ticket sales numbers are the strongest in the MCU's history, behind only Black Panther and Infinity War. Even the sales of its comic book counterpart are high. But possibly the surest sign that it's going to be a smash hit comic book movie is that anti-feminists have resorted to review-bombing its Rotten Tomatoes audience score.

I took a stroll through the shit garden tilled by these pathetic pop cultural parasites, and found exactly what you'd expect:

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

That's the kind of boilerplate silliness that pollutes Captain Marvel's audience score. There are pages of this stuff, and there was even more before the site did some weed-plucking. While sifting through it all, I found a couple of "reviewers" specifically saying that they'd rather watch Alita: Battle Angel.

So I started exploring the profiles of anyone whose comment was tagged as "Not Interested." Nearly every link led to an error message, but when one worked, it showed me something like this:

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Such profiles usually have some combination of three things: 1) Harsh reviews for The Last Jedi, 2) glowing reviews for "documentaries" by right-wing conspiracy theorist and criminal Dinesh D'Souza, and 3) five-star reviews filled with effusive praise for Alita. If their profile didn't have a review for Alita, then it was the only movie listed in their "Want To See" section.

With a picture beginning to take shape, I checked out Alita's audience reviews.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Pages upon pages of reviews that congratulate the movie and its creators for supposedly not getting wrapped up in gender politics and feminism. They frequently called out Brie Larson and Captain Marvel, the Star Wars series, Disney, social justice warriors, as well as socialism and communism in general -- because for decades, people on the far right have equated gender and racial equality with those two spooooooky buzzwords.

Angry anime-loving conservatives (that's a thing!), whose natural habitats are normally 4chan, Twitter, and the comment sections of every gaming site on the internet, have now banded together to shit all over Captain Marvel while simultaneously kissing Alita's ass. Possibly in the hope of astroturfing some enthusiasm for their doe-eyed anime fantasy fixation by calling her movie's detractors SJWs and communists. And all because Larson had the gall to call for more diversity in film journalism.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

I don't need to put a neat bow on this when RT user "Robert L" has a ready done it for me:

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. And check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's Goop parody BunnyEars.com.

Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Nike's New Smart Shoe Is Having Dumb Technical Difficulties and KFC Just Ruined 'RoboCop' Forever.

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

25 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

6 Ways You Can Get Sucked Into The 'Incel' Trap

It's entirely possible that we're all just a few life decisions away from being truly terrible.

426

The Dumb Ending Sci-Fi Blockbusters Won't Stop Using

We will continue to see one of the most common (and lamest) storytelling tropes for a long time.

132

19 T-Shirts That Make Weird Assumptions About Women

Businesses still have no idea how to market themselves to women.

202

5 Horrifying Things Delivery Drivers Get Caught Doing

We're moving toward an entirely delivery-based economy ... but there may be some people you WON'T want knowing your address.

119

5 Hilarious Jobs That Made Your Favorite Movies Possible

How exactly do you get gigs like these?

60

5 Of The Dumbest Cheating Scandals Ever

The world is full of competition and insane people.

74