Captain Marvel is set to have an enormous $100-million-plus opening weekend. Its advance ticket sales numbers are the strongest in the MCU's history, behind only Black Panther and Infinity War. Even the sales of its comic book counterpart are high. But possibly the surest sign that it's going to be a smash hit comic book movie is that anti-feminists have resorted to review-bombing its Rotten Tomatoes audience score.
I took a stroll through the shit garden tilled by these pathetic pop cultural parasites, and found exactly what you'd expect:
That's the kind of boilerplate silliness that pollutes Captain Marvel's audience score. There are pages of this stuff, and there was even more before the site did some weed-plucking. While sifting through it all, I found a couple of "reviewers" specifically saying that they'd rather watch Alita: Battle Angel.
So I started exploring the profiles of anyone whose comment was tagged as "Not Interested." Nearly every link led to an error message, but when one worked, it showed me something like this:
Such profiles usually have some combination of three things: 1) Harsh reviews for The Last Jedi, 2) glowing reviews for "documentaries" by right-wing conspiracy theorist and criminal Dinesh D'Souza, and 3) five-star reviews filled with effusive praise for Alita. If their profile didn't have a review for Alita, then it was the only movie listed in their "Want To See" section.
With a picture beginning to take shape, I checked out Alita's audience reviews.
Pages upon pages of reviews that congratulate the movie and its creators for supposedly not getting wrapped up in gender politics and feminism. They frequently called out Brie Larson and Captain Marvel, the Star Wars series, Disney, social justice warriors, as well as socialism and communism in general -- because for decades, people on the far right have equated gender and racial equality with those two spooooooky buzzwords.
Angry anime-loving conservatives (that's a thing!), whose natural habitats are normally 4chan, Twitter, and the comment sections of every gaming site on the internet, have now banded together to shit all over Captain Marvel while simultaneously kissing Alita's ass. Possibly in the hope of astroturfing some enthusiasm for their doe-eyed anime fantasy fixation by calling her movie's detractors SJWs and communists. And all because Larson had the gall to call for more diversity in film journalism.
I don't need to put a neat bow on this when RT user "Robert L" has a ready done it for me:
Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out Nike's New Smart Shoe Is Having Dumb Technical Difficulties and KFC Just Ruined 'RoboCop' Forever.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.
Plenty of everyday things have weird connections to the Nazis.
The thing about plot twists is that they almost never make sense on repeat viewing.
Sometimes the silliest goofballs get away with the vilest things.
Love is not dead?