Actor and celebrity brother Chad "Not the Sex with Teenagers One" Lowe recently lashed out at rumors that his ladyfriend Kim Painter has been having a torrid affair with none other than Val Fucking Kilmer:
The Unfaithful star's producer beau was recently photographed out and about with 48-year-old Kilmer---but Lowe has vehemently denied any romantic relationship between his partner and the Alexander star.First of all, there's just no way that Val Kilmer is 48---I don't care what the birth certificate says, he'll always be that glistening young gay volleyball stud from Top Gun to me. But more importantly, I feel for Mr. Not-Rob, since the thought of competing with a chiseled piece of man-meat like Val is daunting to say the least. It's no Top Secret that you'd have to be either a Saint or a Real Genius in Heat or be living in Wonderland to stack up against a Thunderheart like him. Either that or Batman Forever on the Red Planet. Don't believe me? Let's just take a look at the kind of raw animal magnetism that no girlfriend of a famous dude's brother can hope to resist:
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
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There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.