But then it turned out that the stripper had actually committed several crimes, and the police were looking for her, and her gun was real. M: I'm not sure what this has to do with anything. C: I guess, Michelle, that the moral of the story is that it's hard to know who to trust in life and love. And also to not look for strippers on Craigslist. And that you never know when a bachelor party is going to turn into a 14-hour hostage situation, so you'd better be comfortable going to the bathroom in front of a room full of guys if you don't want to damage your kidneys. M: Holy shit. C: The real cops laughed at us after it was over. M: What does this have to do with anything? C: I guess it's useful advice if you ever start stripping. M: Are you even interested in what we're protesting about at all? C: I am. Totally. Like for example: What attracts you most in another protester? Is it their clothes? Do you like well dressed protesters? M: Is this that public image thing again? We hear that a lot. Like the media will listen to us more if we wear suits. C: No, it's more like if a protester came up to you wearing a shirt with a clever slogan about chemistry or Alf on that, would you be impressed? Or do you like protesters with a little more of a Banana Republicly style?

M: I think I'd recommend protesters should probably dress pretty warmly. We're well into October now, and it's getting a little chilly. C: Warm, huh? So maybe a bit like this guy?

C: Warm, and pretty dapper looking. M: He does actually look a lot better than most people here. And he has a rocket launcher. C: Interesting. So you like men with weapons? How do you feel about other accessories? Like having a clever protest sign, or bottled water or something? M: Why are you so interested in the kind of men I like? C: I'm just asking, if, as a representative of the 99%, you would be impressed if some person had thought to bring a case of water to a protest? M: Actually a guy did hand out bottled water the other day, and he was incredibly popular. C: Exactly. In a protest situation, it's a show of wealth, ironically enough. It's a sign of their ability to be a good provider. M: I suppose so. It shows that you're thinking of others, and not just yourself. Like the 1% do. C: Right! And would you say that a guy with a huge sign which says "Free Backrubs: No Fat Chicks" who then crosses out "Fat" and write "Wealthy" is someone with a sense of humor? Also unlike the 1%? Would you think he's a funny, carefree guy with soft, tender hands? M: What are you trying to do? C: I'm just curious what qualities you value, so that I can direct my readers to come hit on you and your fellow lady-agitators. Ladygitators. M: What? C: Femilitants? Is that better? M: You're going to send creeps to come hit on us? That's disgusting! C: Cracked readers aren't that bad. Just clammy, you know? It's the weirdest demographic, but it shows up clear as day on our webstats. 18-35, clammy people. M: I don't care how clammy they are! If they don't care what we're here for they can stay home! C: Would it make a difference if I could guarantee that no one reading Cracked is in the top 1% of income earners? I know a few of them may make money testing anti-clamminess drugs, but that can't be more than a few bucks. M: ... C: It's all day-patient stuff. Maybe a couple meals. It's nothing. They are the 99%. M: The 99% are not clammy people. C: Now that's a bold statement. Have you checked all the 99% for clamminess levels?