M: I think I'd recommend protesters should probably dress pretty warmly. We're well into October now, and it's getting a little chilly. C: Warm, huh? So maybe a bit like this guy?
C: Warm, and pretty dapper looking. M: He does actually look a lot better than most people here. And he has a rocket launcher. C: Interesting. So you like men with weapons? How do you feel about other accessories? Like having a clever protest sign, or bottled water or something? M: Why are you so interested in the kind of men I like? C: I'm just asking, if, as a representative of the 99%, you would be impressed if some person had thought to bring a case of water to a protest? M: Actually a guy did hand out bottled water the other day, and he was incredibly popular. C: Exactly. In a protest situation, it's a show of wealth, ironically enough. It's a sign of their ability to be a good provider. M: I suppose so. It shows that you're thinking of others, and not just yourself. Like the 1% do. C: Right! And would you say that a guy with a huge sign which says "Free Backrubs: No Fat Chicks" who then crosses out "Fat" and write "Wealthy" is someone with a sense of humor? Also unlike the 1%? Would you think he's a funny, carefree guy with soft, tender hands? M: What are you trying to do? C: I'm just curious what qualities you value, so that I can direct my readers to come hit on you and your fellow lady-agitators. Ladygitators. M: What? C: Femilitants? Is that better? M: You're going to send creeps to come hit on us? That's disgusting! C: Cracked readers aren't that bad. Just clammy, you know? It's the weirdest demographic, but it shows up clear as day on our webstats. 18-35, clammy people. M: I don't care how clammy they are! If they don't care what we're here for they can stay home! C: Would it make a difference if I could guarantee that no one reading Cracked is in the top 1% of income earners? I know a few of them may make money testing anti-clamminess drugs, but that can't be more than a few bucks. M: ... C: It's all day-patient stuff. Maybe a couple meals. It's nothing. They are the 99%. M: The 99% are not clammy people. C: Now that's a bold statement. Have you checked all the 99% for clamminess levels?