This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
We've got a site-wide Labor Day sale! 15% off all products. Use coupon code SAVE15TODAY (valid 8/29-9/2).
Listen, it may look like we're offering you a bunch of cool alarm clocks. But even more than that, we're giving you the opportunity to smash your old one. Think about it. Next time your alarm goes off, you can just hurl it against the wall in a rage, and there will be absolutely no consequences, because you have a new one from the Cracked Shop ready to go! OK fine, you'd have to clean up the pieces of your shattered timepiece, but we're still convinced this is a pretty fun opportunity. Take a look below.
This alarm clock simulates the setting and rising of the sun to help stabilize your sleep schedule. Considering that we're now all living in some kind of hellish dystopian future, we'll take any sleep aid we can get. Normally $35.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for $19.99.
Not only is this a clock, it's a full-on controller for your smart home. Yes, this clock is smarter than you. It also looks like some kind of futuristic yet retro gaming controller, and excuse our trembling, but we're in just full on geek-out right now. Buy it in the Cracked Shop for $199, and then tell it to do your taxes and sort out cold fusion.
What would happen if you combined a sunrise simulator with smart home capabilities? You'd either rip open a portal to an evil dimension unleashing chaos upon the world, or you'd get this smart clock, available in the Cracked Shop for $64.99 (normally $99.99).
This speaker doesn't just rock out with the best music (which is, of course, whatever music you pick, you sophisticate, you), but it can also generate white noise all night to help you sleep like a baby. Normally $49.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $29.99.
You take a pinch of Retro, a pinch of modern, combine it with a Bluetooth-capable clock, and bam, you have the Sinji Alarm Clock. It's a fine piece of snooze-bustin' tech that will look great even on that cluttered disaster area that is your nightstand. Normally $59.95, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $19.99.
Because yeah. You CAN have your worm and eat it too. So why not Make Adulting Fun Again With These 9 Products?
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.