And with this being the Internet, there are naturally a bunch of people who want to f**k him.
OK, that's a little unfair. What with tradition of dudes dressing up and running through the streets on the eve of St. Nicholas Day -- Krampusnacht -- getting drunk and handing out spankings to young ladies, there's a pretty solid pattern of getting mad rutty that goes along with rattling chains and swinging birch rods. This whole thing where you can spend three bucks on an e-book with a description promising "light bondage, spanking, and possible supernatural impregnation," however ... I'm pretty sure that's a new development.
You better believe that tongue is coming into play.
That brings us to today's literary selection, A Kiss from Krampus by Red Hanner, available for three bucks on your Kindle -- or, if you forget to check the right box at checkout like I did, the Kindle you got your mom for Christmas last year. There were a few others, including one about a young lady whose boyfriend was unironically named Thorne, but this is the one that I first saw on Santa, No! that alerted me to the trend, and folks, it is a doozy. Like, whatever you were expecting out of Krampusrotica, this is actually weirder than that.