Two-For-One Disappointing Robot Monday: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

What's With All These Stupid Robots?! I might not know anything about building robots, but based on these two clips, it seems like the people who actually build them don't either. In the first video we've got some sort of mobile garbage can that can walk around like a crab, roll dice, and bang on its own head while repeating the same Japanese phrase over and over and over again. Which would be pretty convenient if you wanted to start a gambling operation for quadriplegics in your house or something, but we all know that quadriplegics don't gamble much, and even if they did, what makes you think they'd want to do it in your house and not in a regular casino? Also, what if they don't understand Japanese? That's like inventing a robot to help gay Eskimos come out to their parents, or to teach Latvian orphans how to panhandle; it's a great idea, but what are the rest of us supposed to do with it? Then we've got the second one, which serves such little purpose that it pretty much has to be an art project of some kind. A pair of dismembered robot legs that periodically shoots fire while aimlessly pushing around a shopping cart? I'll admit that's kind of awesome, but again, what are we supposed to do with it? Should we look at it and think about the artist's statement on mindless consumerism? Sorry, robot maker:
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Dawn of the Dead did it better. Is it supposed to make us think about the homeless problem? I'm looking at it right now, but the only problem I'm thinking about is how bad these robots suck. I've been banging this drum for a while now, but maybe if I keep at it I can get the robot-making community to listen. If I were them, I know I'd definitely want to take advice from a Cracked blogger with absolutely zero knowledge of engineering. Is an enormous mechanized iron monstrosity with flesh-searing lasers and projectile weapons so much to ask for? Actually, screw it - pretty much ANYTHING with flesh-searing lasers would do. If you're reading this, guys who made these two robots, just add flesh-searing lasers and we'll be good to go. See - I'm willing to compromise, robot-making community. Now it's your turn.
To turn on reply notifications, click here

28 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

12 Weird Changes The Government Asked Famous Movies to Make

Sometimes it's just a matter of making the US Department of Defense look, like, REALLY cool.

126

5 Apocalypse Scenarios You Should Stop Worrying About

Actual impending doom like global climate change or mass extinction just makes people bored.

182

11 Everyday Gadgets That Just Wouldn't Die

Nothing lasts forever ... except these things.

95

The 5 Worst Changes The MCU Made To The Source Material

In some cases, the Marvel source material just did better.

163

5 Horror Movie Characters Who Deserve More Credit

These characters are amazing with or without ample amounts of screen time.

52

5 Mobile App Scams That Just Keep Getting Worse

Google's algorithms know us better than we know ourselves.

84