So apparently there are people who read Cracked, but are embarrassed to acknowledge that publicly or be seen on our website. Much like an unseemly heroin addiction, however, the itch eventually wins out. That's when they go to my Facebook page, become my friend, and confess their online addiction. Sarah Black is exactly like that (except for the parts that I completely made up). Anyway, one day Sarah brought Twilight to my attention via her Facebook status message that read: "ZOMG! I wish a vampire would take ME away!" Actually, it didn't say that. It said something disparaging about Twilight fangirls. Until then, I hadn't heard about this teenage vampire phenomenon that was getting the co-eds all tingly. That was six weeks ago. And all this time I've been waiting for the right time to do this episode of HBN. So a shoutout to Sarah for giving me the idea. It was such a good idea it was worth putting up with her daily Facebook chatting ("WTF! Marketing class is the WORST!"; "Sarah wants brewskis, LOL!"; and my personal favorite "I <3 cute boyz!!!") And, again, all of this is completely true save for the parts I'm making up.