I just want to take a moment to give a big, warm, heartfelt thank you to secret hero Donald Trump. Shout-out to you, Donald! Nate Silver's website, FiveThirtyEight, has reported evidence that you have actually managed to stunt right-wing movements around the world just by being so s****y. The truth is startlingly clear now: You are intentionally being the world's worst leader, selflessly sacrificing your own legacy -- and indeed, your own dignity -- in order to stop the progress of the far-right and make the world a better place. And boy are you doing a great job. You are a tragic, misunderstood hero, and while history may paint you as a villain (all according to your ingenious seven-dimensional chess plan), we would like to take a moment to offer an ode to your accomplishments.
Nate Silver explains that there's a solid pattern evident: The warmer a foreign leadership candidate's relationship with Trump, the worse he or she has tended to do in elections. This remarkably consistent trend has seen right-wing parties face embarrassing results in Austria, the Netherlands, France, and the UK. Trump, your act of being an incompetent a*****e has truly set the nationalist cause back by decades, a result of your labyrinthian political strategy too complex for most small minds to comprehend. A brilliant political martyr whose sacrifice may be forgotten by history books, but not by us.
Even in Australia, the Liberal prime minister (Australia's Liberal Party is conservative, the toilets flush the other way, it's just a whole Australian thing) was seen in a leaked video comically mimicking Trump in front of fellow politicians and journalists. Trump, your efforts at making yourself appear to be an idiot of legendary proportions are being appreciated all the way down under.