Two months ago, Tiger Woods was awarded the Nobel Prize
for "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation in gol
f." Today, the Nobel Committee Of Golf stormed Woods' home and took it back. The head of the committee, Marshall Stack, claimed that "recent events involving several vaginas and one penis" had changed the committee's mind about awarding Woods the rare honor. However, although he no longer possessed the award itself, Stack says Woods should still consider himself "super good at golf" and "a real winner in our book, golf-wise."
"Well..." Stack paused and added, "One penis that we
The attack on Woods' home was meticulously planned and, according to NCG Offensive Captain Hoyt Mandrook, was executed with absolute precision at "high noon. We always strike at high noon."
The NCG troops were neither seen nor heard by any neighbors, but they definitely got the job done, because Woods no longer has the award and he is also currently missing. "Oh, yeah," Mandrook began, "We implanted false memories into his soft human brain, popped him in a Delorian, and sent him back to a couple weeks ago when he had that car accident. Then the Delorian turned into whatever car he was driving during that car accident. That shit's from