"Did I do that?" you'll whisper. There will be a moment of silence before your son bursts into tears, begging God to let you keep your mind.
But you'll know. You'll know.
The Original Sabrina Series Was Already Pretty Horrifying By Lydia Bugg
Imagine for a moment the most powerful being the world. Now imagine that this being is a 16-year-old girl, and kind of a dick. This is the world explored in the classic 1996-2000 television program Sabrina The Teenage Witch. That first time around, Sabrina was played for laughs, but the upcoming CW reboot based off of the Archie Horror comic The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina will be as horrific as the original truly was, if you think about it.
Remember Sabrina's cute little talking black cat, Salem? Yeah, he's a witch dictator who was trapped in cat's body for trying to enslave humanity. He purposely feeds all of Sabrina's darkest impulses, causing her to manipulate her friend's lives on a daily basis. Like the time she wanted her life to be more dramatic, so she opened a literal can of worms, which gave her boyfriend amnesia. Or the time she didn't have a date to her school dance, so she created a human life from man dough, and the man slowly fell apart throughout the dance. His limbs were strewn across the dance floor. IT WAS HILARIOUS.
If they want to make the new Sabrina truly terrifying, all they need to do is remake episodes of the old show without the laugh track. There was an episode in which Sabrina had to do community service at the Other Realm Rumor Mill, and all the rumors she wrote came true in the mortal world. This causes her boyfriend Harvey to become pregnant and her aunts to be abducted by aliens. All she has to write on that thing is "All of Sabrina enemies are dead now," and it's a horror show.
In fact, some of the first show's plotlines were literally pulled from old Twilight Zone episodes. There's one in which Sabrina gets an evil doll that terrorizes her friends. There's one where she gets trapped in a dollhouse by her cousin. There's one where her chemistry project decapitates all of her neighbors. OK, not really, but it wouldn't be that out of place if it happened. She would just put all of their heads back on with magic and then sprinkle them with magic glitter and say, "Ignore those neck scars, human babies." And we would never hear about it again.