Stephen King's Gerald's Game is coming to Netflix, and I was so excited that I had to look up Gerald's Game on Wikipedia because I had no idea what this book is about. No offense to Mr. King -- I'm a fan, I love The Shining and I'm stoked for IT -- but the man writes books literally faster than I can read them, so one or two are going to slip through the cracks.
If you're like me and clueless about who Gerald might be and whether his game involves dice or a pop-o-matic bubble, let me take you to clue town. Gerald's Game is about a lady named Jessie whose husband wants to play some kind of sex game which involves her being handcuffed to the bed. Jessie is not into this shit and gives her husband a swift boot in the jimmies to set him straight. Unfortunately, the man falls, hits his head, has a heart attack, and dies. I like to think he also shits himself, but Wikipedia is only giving me a brief synopsis.
So Jessie here is cuffed to the bed with a corpse. What happens next? A "Space Cowboy" shows up and a dog eats her husband. You know, that old story. Is the space cowboy Matthew McConaughey's character from The Dark Tower? God, I hope so.
Jessie starts freaking out and hearing voices and realizes that the Space Cowboy (who apparently has a box of bones and jewelry) may be an asshole, so she better get the hell out of dodge. And she does so by slicing the shit out of her own hand and using the blood as sweet, slippery handcuff lube. Atta girl. I don't want to spoil the ending for you, but rest assured the word "necrophile" does appear on the Wikipedia page, and the dog that eats Gerald is named Prince. Frankly, this book sounds awesome. But it reminds me of something ...
After a solid read of this synopsis, it occurs to me this would be better titled "The Gang Plays Gerald's Game." This would be a perfect episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Frank as the Space Cowboy, Dee cuffed to the bed, Dennis as her creepy husband (sure, they're brother and sister, but c'mon, that incest vibe is strong), and Charlie as the dog who comes in to eat him. Mac ... I dunno. He can show off his karate skills outside in the yard. Listen, I'm not writing the episode, I'm just saying it fits.