"What's wrong?" our spouses ask, seeing us awake in bed.
"KELSEY GRAMMER TINDER MISHAPS" we reply.
There is a note on the dresser the next day. They're gone.
Luckily, NBC and ESPN have heard our cries, and have begun their own deliberation on how to appease us. Their consensus so far? Terribly misguided and/or outdated attempts to feed the nostalgia beast before it consumes us all. There have been talks of reviving The Office, because remember how great that was? Well, before James Spader made s**t weird? They might bring it back! Except probably without any of the original cast, and while probably dealing with a different company in a different location. So not so much The Office as An Office.
The deal here is that audiences are supposedly so hungry to relive the glory days of 2009 and so unwilling to be absorbed by modern content that they'll fight to the death over the scraps of anything that you label The Office. NBC is also mulling over 30 Rock, which also might involve a totally different 30 Rock. Except 30 Rock is not just the name of a show, but also a location. Maybe it'll take place on different floors of the building? And it'll most certainly involve a scene wherein Kenneth makes a guest appearance and winks at the camera to remind us that no matter how much we cling to the cliffs of our delightful past, death will always have its hands firmly gripped around our ankles.
Meanwhile, like the dad who wants to remind you that "IS NIIIIICE!!!! MY WAIIIIFFFFFEEEE!" because he just caught Borat on DVD, ESPN is launching a special day of "ESPN8: The Ocho." Remember The Ocho, from that one joke in a Vince Vaughn comedy that was made 13 years ago? ESPN really hopes you do, and they also hope that you don't mind that lovably doltish commentator Pepper Brooks, as played by Jason Bateman, isn't going to make an appearance to take part in festivities that are over a decade too late. So it's just a lot of weird sports. But it's The Ocho, which you've always wanted, right? You left Dodgeball desiring it, regardless of how little it was related to the film Dodgeball, and you held that desire in your heart all the way to 2017. And now we're getting it! We're finally getting it, guys. We can let go.