This man would kill you for one soft ass-wiping sheet.
The Washington Post reports on "style mavens" seemingly screaming from their front porches at those dang kids with their skateboards and paper towels. I don't know what it takes to be baffled by paper towel usage, but if I did, I wouldn't be writing this article; I'd be spitting on Oliver Twist as he begged me for a sixpence. The mavens scoff as if using something cheaper and more widely applicable was a scandal on par with sleeping with the kitchen staff. One writer had to explain that dinner parties are a lot less common than they used to be, and this was quite a concern for me, until I realized that I wasn't a side character in Downton Abbey.
This one isn't just throwing away traditionally useless items. Killing napkins is environmental self-defense. Shredding forests to create slightly smaller versions of other tissues to sell in more expensive boxes is worse than anything Captain Planet ever fought. Napkins were only invented because the previous generation couldn't be bothered to do laundry. Or rather, putting another item into the laundry they were doing anyway. Using napkins is basically telling nature, "Look. You seem like a great person. It's just that we want different things. You want to stay around, and I want little scraps of paper that the people sitting at my dinner table will forget about almost instantly."