This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Whether your sun-filtered contact lens startup is all out of runway or your corneas are still scabbing from hubris, eclipse withdrawals can be tough. The news has returned focus to our ball of dirt rather than the great beyond, and frankly, our moods have suffered for it. So to propel your spirits up where they belong, here are six extraterrestrial selections from the Cracked Store.
Star Wars 3D Mega Lamps
If you're sad that you missed the solar eclipse, fear not -- you'll be getting yearly Star Wars movies to hold you over until the next one arrives. To celebrate gazing up at galaxies far, far away, these color-changing LED lamps are intricately modeled after iconic droids, ships, and helmets. Grab a Star Wars 3D Mega Lamp for $49.99.
Levitating Bluetooth Orb Speaker
Welcome to 2017, where your speaker system isn't cool unless it looks like a device used to summon the Megazords. This version of space-age music player can be used to charge your smartphone and provides crisp 360-degree sound from every pore of its spherical body. Did we mention that it also freaking floats! This magnetically-levitating novelty loudspeaker can be had for just $64.99.
Scientific Magnetic Space Putty
Playing with putty as a kid was the closest you ever felt to being a mad scientist. "This thing was once this, and now it is this!" But that feeling doesn't have to be relegated to childhood. Scientific Space Putty has all the bouncy smooshiness of regular putty, and is also imbued with the inscrutable powers of magnetism. Think of it as an upgrade for reaching adulthood. Watch as this silver blob devours small metal objects from the comfort of your desk by grabbing some Scientific Space Putty from our shop for $9.99.
Outdoor Monocular Telescope with Portable Tripod
Stargazing is a lot like playing Pokemon, in that there's a seemingly endless amount of new ones to discover, and all of their names are ridiculous. This portable telescope is perfect to scratch your itch for discovery. With 90x magnification and a versatile collection of eyepieces, you can catch 'em all wherever you go. Get the Outdoor Monocular Telescope with Portable Tripod here for $54.99.
"The Cube" Bluetooth Speaker
Although it looks like the kind of object that would grant faster-than-light travel to our society, the Cube is really just a wireless speaker. But ask any TIE fighter pilot who's careened hull-first into an asteroid, and they'll tell you that a wireless speaker beats lightspeed any day. Especially considering that the multi-color LED lighting on the Cube is perfect for starting a dance party, we think the winner is pretty obvious. Pick up "The Cube" Bluetooth Speaker for just $21.99.
Laser Twilight Projector
For all those times when you'd like to stare at the wonders of the night sky but don't want to leave the comfort of your bean bag chair to do it, there's the Laser Twilight projector. It shines stars and colorful nebulae in all directions with green laser holography, allowing you to pass your fingers right through the cosmos. This brilliant mood lighting usually goes for $200, but you can get it here for just $109.99.
Or just play astronaut with $145 Says We Can Talk You Into Buying This Drone.
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.
It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.