This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
We spend our lives partaking in the eternal pursuit of "cool" stuff. It all started when ancient man first picked up an interesting-looking rock, and it will only end when a guy screams "THAT'S AN INTERESTING-LOOKING ROCK!" as the Earth is blown up by an alien laser. And to help guide you on your journey to find cool stuff, the Cracked Store has complied nine of the coolest things that we could find, and has concocted some great deals to go along with them.
Remember fidget spinners? Of course you do. You're spinning three of them as we speak. But could you imagine if that technology was taken to its extreme, perfected, and then unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace? What you have conceived in your mind is still nowhere near as cool as the Fiddle Stick, a fidget toy that can click, roll, glide, and slide with nine amazing fidget features. Plus, it hides in your pocket, so you can fidget without anyone even knowing. Normally $20, buy it now for just $14.99.
If you've ever owned a piece of technology, then you've inevitably dropped it in a puddle and screamed your vengeance at the heavens. Those cursed puddles are why you need the G-DROP Adventure-Ready Submersible Bluetooth Speaker. It can absorb impact, and is waterproof no matter what songs it's playing. Normally $50, buy it in the Cracked Store right now for just $35.
Between choosing furniture and frustrating memes about dresses on the internet, arguing about colors is a bigger part of adult life than any of us anticipated. That's why the Nix Mini Color Sensor is so useful. It can determine an exact match for any color you put in it. Save that color to your smartphone or tablet, and it'll even match that color to a huge library of over 38,000 paints. Normally $349, you can buy yours right now for a paltry $249, 28 percent off.
If your dashcam isn't recording well in low light, then you're not getting the footage you really want. When you encounter Bigfoot hitchhiking on a lonely Idaho highway, the last thing you want is for the resulting YouTube video to be blurry. That's why the GoSafe S780, with its built-in Starvis sensor that automatically adjusts to light, is your best bet. Normally $299.99, the GoSafe is available in the Cracked store right now for just $199.99.
Most telescopes are designed for either terrestrial or extraterrestrial viewing. Not the Omegon. With this baby, you can go from peeking up God's skirt to zooming in on a bird flying across the lake in a flat second. The T-2 threads even let it work like a telephoto lens. And the $134 price tag has been slashed down to $109.99 in the Cracked store.
NASA recently discovered the Trappist-1 seven-planet system, and while we can't commemorate that by blasting you into space, we can at least give you the time. This awesome and stylish watch is based on the Trappist-1, has its own star date window, and is modeled after one of the most successful watch brands to ever come out on Kickstarter. $350? No. $244.99 right here.
Not everyone can afford a full pinball machine in their living room. Enter the DIY Cardboard Pinball Kit. Not only is this much cheaper than your run-of-the-mill pinball machine, but you'll also be able to say to people, "Look, I built my own pinball machine!" And at the end of the day, aren't fun conversation pieces the reason people get pinball machines anyway? Normally $59.95, which is already a pretty good deal, you can get yours for just $44.95.
It's kind of too early to say whether 2018 has been a success or not. However, one thing we can throw in the win column is the apparent control over the hue of all light, and that's all thanks to Color PAR30 Spot Smart Light Bulbs. This wonderful little bulb is controlled by an app, and can adjust to any hue that the human eye can perceive. Normally $59.99, we dare you to pick one up right now for just $42.99.
You know how long your bath towels take to dry? How they become mushy swamp blankets? These towels dry quickly thanks to cutting-edge technology that also prevents them from becoming a hive for bacteria and mold. Get a set of two for $61.99 instead of $90.00, and buy them here.
For more super cool must-haves, check out Make Adulting Fun Again With These 9 Products.
No, YOU'RE crying.