This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Going to the dentist sucks worse than downing a bottle of mouthwash through your nose. So keep yourself from going to the dentist for as long as possible by using these four products.
If your toothbrush isn't clean, then you're essentially just marinating your teeth and gums with germs every time you shove that rickety scrub stick into your cheeks. That's why you need the TAO Clean Sonic Toothbrush and Cleaning Station. The toothbrush blasts your crumb-chewers with 40,000 brush strokes per minute, and the cleaning station uses powerful UV-C rays to kill 99.9 percent of bacteria and keep the brush head dry. Even calling it a "toothbrush" feels crude. This is a dental hygienic masterpiece! Normally the TAO Clean Sonic Toothbrush sells for $129, but if you click here right now, you can get the whole shebang at 45 percent off for just $69.99.
Smearing charcoal on your teeth doesn't seem like the obvious way to achieve a winning smile, but not everything that seems to make sense actually makes sense, and the NUOVAWHITE Charcoal Teeth-Whitening System demonstrates that. This charcoal-based solution is clinically proven to restore and strengthen tooth enamel, and can give you the sparkling grin of a daytime soap star after just one treatment. That doesn't mean you should just start rubbing rocks that you find on the road into your gums. This charcoal solution is FDA-compliant and specifically designed for dental use. Each treatment provides the equivalent of around a dozen trips to the dentist. Normally a two-pack of the NUOVAWHITE Charcoal Teeth-Whitening system would run you $259, but today you can knock 89 percent off that price and pick it up for just $27.99.
Everyone wants to zap the coffee stains clean off their teeth, but some of us fear the dentist's chair like a cat fears water (or a Luffy fears water, if you're in the mood for a sick anime reference). Well, dentophobe or not, look no further than the NUOVAWHITE Professional Teeth-Whitening System. Using a state-of-the-art blue LED light and completely Kosher and cruelty-free whitening gel, your teeth will get a dental-grade clean without you having to leave your apartment. Plus, you'll start to see results after just one use, which means you can stop leaning so heavily on the black and white filter in pictures. Best of all, if you click here right now, you can get the NUOVAWHITE Professional Teeth-Whitening System for just $25.
The Bristl Phototherapy Electric Toothbrush is like the Star Trek: The Next Generation of toothbrushes, partially because of its highly advanced tech, but mostly because it'll make your teeth as shiny as Jean-Luc Picard's head. The Bristl uses microfibers to scrub the heck out of plaque hiding in hard-to-reach places between your teeth and gums. Plus, it emits two different lights designed to help keep your mouth zone clean -- a blue light that whitens your teeth and kills bacteria, and a red light that soothes and heals your gums. It even shuts off automatically after two minutes, because it knows you'll be so excited by its teeth-restoring power that you can't be trusted not to overdo it. If you click here right now, you can get the Bristl Phototherapy Electric Toothbrush for just $99.
Don't stop with your teeth! Clean up your home a little, too! Your Sheets Are Probably Gross, Here's Some New Ones.