-Flap flap flap flap flap!-
"Is it gone?"
"No. A second one flew inside. I guess the sound of my voice is sensual and attractive to bird ears."
"There's two of them?"
"For now. It looks like they're building a nest in the light, so I guess there will be more in a few months."
"Oh my god!"
"Oooh yeah bird. Lay your bird woman down....... Woooomaaaaaaaaan. Laaaaaaady."
"Stop singing to the birds!"
"But I'm finally good at something!"
"Get the birds out of here damnit!"
"Calm down. I'm going to go get a cat."
"We don't have a cat!"
"Then I guess I'll be awhile, hey!? You gave me the chore to do, don't complain how I do it. Now then. I'll lure the neighbor's cat somehow. Do we have a saucer of milk?"
"I guess we probably don't have that pre-prepared, but it sounds like a simply enough dish to make. Hang on." -sound of clattering dishes- "Ok. I'll be right back."
"Don't leave me here with the bird!"
"Birds dear. There's two of them."
-Ten minutes later-
"I cannot believe how well that worked!"
"You got the cat?"
"Of course I got the cat! I'm a freaking cat whisperer as well it seems. Ok. Now, I'm going to close the doors so the cat can't get out."
"But then the bird can't get out!"
"They had their chance. There. Done. Ok cat, kill! Kill the birds! Kill!"
"What's it doing?"
"Falling asleep. Ahhhhhh, I bet it was the milk. Dumb Chris. Dumb."
"I told you that wouldn't work."
"Did you? I don't recall that at all. No this will work. I just need to make the cat angrier."
"Try chasing the birds out of here with the broom again! I think you gave up on that too quickly."
"I... what? Is this about college again?"
"No! Just do the broom thing. Please?"
"Fine. One more time. AHHHHHHHHHH! It's in my hair!"
And now they're ruining my best felt skirt.
"Wow! Fuck that! No way lady. I'm sending the cat in there."
"I don't know...."
"Too late! I've pissed off the cat."
"By spraying it with PAM cooking spray. Cats hate being sprayed with cooking spray."
"Everything hates being sprayed with cooking spray!"
"Fine. A universal irritant. Whatever."