Thank You for Taking Your Kidney Back So Gracefully
This barely warrants thanks; really, I'd think you'd be thankful. Who wouldn't be thankful to get a desperately needed kidney? I know I sure was! Ha ha ha!
What this does warrant, however, is an explanation, and because there's no real market for Grave Explanation cards, it will have to slot in here on my ManyThanks card. It turns out that the money I borrowed from you, although definitely originally meant for rent or a school of some sort, did not get spent on that. Due to a financial mix-up, caused by ... I'm going to blame the 2008 credit crisis, that money instead got spent on 600 cans of Milwaukee's Best Ice.
The people at Milwaukee's Best actually sent me a Thank You card after that.
What happened to the 600 cans of Milwaukee's Best Ice is still a little unclear to me. The only thing I do know is that eight days later, all the cans were gone, and I had a headache and a "hurt kidney" feeling. This walking death sensation lasted for several days, by which point my friend, Sketchy Greg, suggested that I might have destroyed my kidneys. I was inclined to trust him; Sketchy Greg had extensive hands-on experience with the effects of Milwaukee's Best Ice, and had also completed two years of pre-med.
(Later I'd find out that "two years of pre-med" is way less impressive than it sounds, especially when it's because he was forcefully told to not return for any further years of pre-med. The way he describes it, it sounds like even I have four years of pre-med, and I'm still not 100 percent sure where babies come from.)
They happen when the man inseminates the lady's kidneys, right?