Last week, San Francisco Assemblyman Tom Ammiano bravely introduced reasoned, serious legislation about confronting, revising, and ultimately turning Californiaâs oppressive marijuana laws to our benefit. In these trying economic times, it just makes sense. Thatâs why Iâm throwing my full support behind Assemblyman Ammiano, and in fact, to honor his brave act, Iâm going to take ten massive bong rips before continuing to write this.
There. The deed is done.
And before all you conservative naysayers start accusing me of "devilry," allow me to prove without a doubt that the legalization of marijuana sales will actually decrease crime and overall drug use. This assumption is based on three basic arguments.
1. Legalizing marijuana will put drug cartels out of business
Every year, hundreds of people are maimed and killed and millions of dollars are lost to brutal and organized illegal drug traffickers. By legalizing and intelligently regulating marijuana consumption we can make it so that this doesnât happen because all those people who did that now have no jobs. Also there will be less people in our jails. My word is it hot here. It's like the room temperature just jumped 20 degrees. Let's see, where was I ... Ah yes.
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2. Legalizing marijuana will put drug cartels out of business
No more laced weed! Poople who sell drugs often put lace in the drugs and that is bad. With legal weed, the government (Uncle Sam) will only put in the best ingredients by hand, and therefore no one will be addicted, except to America, and that is okay. I'm going to take my shirt off now.
4. Did you know Jesus smoked weed? Itâs in the Bible.
20. Smoke weed every day, nigga!
Whoopty whoop nigga what?
Dre n' snoop chronic'ed out
In the 'llac with doc in the back
Sippin' 'gnac, clip in the strap
1 Legolizing marijuana will put dog hotels outta bidniss.
Bidniss. Bidniss. BID-niss. bidniss.
Oh my God did it type what I said? This is really weird. Jesus, itâs typing all of this!
Oh, my God, my hands are doing it! This is so weird. Itâs like theyâre turning my thoughts into written words. They are the vehicle. They are the viaduct. They are the truth and the way. Aaaaaaaaaaaah (angels come down).
This is my hands. Hello. I am hands.
"MY HANDS" are huge.
In the old days, they used "f" for "s." Okay, thatâs
What? POkay, I have to go lie down.
If anyone has a quesadilla, please leave it in the commentf fection.