|Wrong type of shit. UFC 15: Mark Kerr vs. Ranger Stott|
Watch the legendary fight on Youtube. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! PRIDE 21: Don Frye vs. Yoshihiro Takayama Don Frye looks like an old west sheriff, and Takayama looks like Japan tried to make their own Hulk Hogan out of juiced grapes. When they faced off, the two of them somehow, without speaking, managed to come to some kind of gentleman's agreement. They decided the only move each of them would use is grabbing the opponent's head with one hand, and punching it over and over with the other. Within seconds, it turned into a sublime combination of ultra violence and slapstick. As they pound, pound, pounded each other's skulls, you could see all the faces in the crowd light up with joy. Grown men, little girls-- they'd been waiting their whole lives for this one perfect moment! Your brain damage does not happen in vain, Frye and Takayama! Watch this chess match unfold on Youtube. Oh shit? PRIDE Bushido 7: Charles "Krazy Horse" Bennett vs. Yoshiro Maeda "Krazy Horse" isn't a cute nickname. Charles Bennett is a legitimate lunatic. And when he's not strangling people professionally and recreationally, he loves to do celebratory backflips off the ring ropes. Almost always with near-death results. I... think that's what he had in mind when he knocked out Maeda. He cheered and ran straight for the ropes, but in his excitement, he forgot to run the idea through his head. Without cutting his momentum, he flew right over the ropes and into what I imagine is either oblivion or alligators. We'll never know. Once it's clear that Krazy Horse is falling to his death, the director cuts away to a shot of Bennett's downed opponent. We're left to assume that Charles Bennett... is lost forever. Watch his leap of faith on Youtube. Oh shi-- OH SHIT! TUF 4 Finale: Scott Smith vs. Pete Sell Three minutes into the second round, Pete Sell hits Scott Smith with a huge left to the body. Most people reading have taken a body shot or had the wind knocked out of them. But what many people don't understand is what it's like to get hit in the liver. It's the liver's job to filter toxins out of your body. And when somebody's left hand or foot slams into it, it's like every cocktail you ever drank, every poisonous insect that crawled in your mouth while you slept... they're all released back into your body at the same time. The end result is a lot like getting knocked out, only you're awake for it. Your arms and legs stop working and you see an Indian with an extra horse beckoning you into the woods. This happened to Scott Smith, and he doubled over like a cartoon. Pete Sell was stunned by his own bad assedness for a moment, then rushed in to finish his helpless opponent, purely as a technicality. But Scott! Smith! Was! Not! Done!!! He threw an overhand right into Sell's face that removed a year of elementary school from his brain. The two collapsed on each other Rocky II style, one unconscious and the other incapacitated. The ref declared it a knockout win for Smith, exactly zero seconds before he rolled onto his back and waited to join his brothers in Valhalla. Oh, shit! Watch this fight on Youtube.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.