Many of you may have noticed that we write a lot of list-based articles here at Cracked. We have our reasons for this: They allow our busy, important readers to read them in small chunks, they're ridiculously clickable, and we just really like numbering things. But despite being so plainly intelligent and justifiable, this list-based tendency of ours has, on occasion, in the minds of some, been a cause for mockery. "Cracked can't publish anything that isn't a list," these weak-minded people say. "Did you see Cracked's newest article? 'The 6 Most Surprising Things You Didn't Know About Baffling?' they'll add, thinking they're so fucking clever. "Or was it 'The 7 Most Things?' HAHAHHAHHAHHAHA- HHAHAHAHA."
We hate these people.
But what the fuck. It's the holidays, and the only people reading Cracked right now are the diehards and search-engine aggregation spiders. So here it is, folks. "The 7 Most Things." Happy freaking holidays.
More properly known as the Volkswagen 181, the Volkswagen Thing was what happened when a Beetle was made to fuck a dumpster, with sexy results.
Less a car, more a poem wrought from corrugated tin.
Originally meant to be a military vehicle, the Thing was eventually sold to civilians, because someone thought that would be pretty funny. Featuring interchangeable doors, a windshield that looked a bit like a door, and an engine that could accelerate it up to highway speeds in about half an hour, the Thing also had the distinction of being about 50 percent more expensive than the Beetle, and infinite more percent than common sense dictated.
Graphics: 2/5 (Big deduction for the low-poly models.)
Sound: Braaaaaaaaaaap, ka-chunk, chunk, grrrrnnngng, "Shift, goddamnit," chunk, "Got it, you bastard." Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.
Fun Factor: 2/5 (It is the fastest thing on this list, but only just barely.)
Thing (Philosophical Concept)
It turns out that a "thing" isn't a simple concept. Philosophers have spent tremendous amounts of time considering the problem and come up with a whole variety of definitions for what makes a thing a thing, and various tests to quantify a given thing's thinginess. Go ahead and click on that link if you're feeling up to a challenge, but I'll just summarize it here, probably a bit unfairly: They don't have any fucking idea.