Lindsay, George Sr.'s beloved daughter, is a hot flirtatious lady who inexplicably "can't seem to give this away." That's because George Sr. wouldn't want to imagine his own daughter getting intimate with anyone. (Imagining his sons getting intimate is fine, though. Because men are weird.)
It Explains Why A Supposed Mainstream American Sitcom Featured Cousin Incest
George Michael and Maeby are attracted to each other, because this is George Sr.'s fantasy, and he's an old businessman who doesn't know any other kids to pair them up with. That's also why the only other prominent kids on the show are the kind George Sr. grew up with in more old-fashioned time (Ann Veal), stock one-note jocks (Steve Holt), and the sort of third-world adoptees George Sr. remembers hearing about at charity fundraisers (Annyong). George Sr. also finds a convoluted way to make George Michael and Maeby into non-blood relatives once he admits to himself that he's out of story reasons to keep them apart. Then he realizes he can time-jump the whole show forward, making his grandkids now grownups, which are much easier people to invent love stories for.
It Explains "Oscar Bluth"
George's twin brother Oscar appears out of nowhere in "Whistler's Mother," the 20th episode of the series. How did we never hear a word about the family patriarch's twin brother for so long? It's because "Oscar" is an imaginary personification of everything the imprisoned George Sr. wishes he had: freedom, hair, youthfulness, legal and spiritual innocence, an artistic career, a better relationship with Michael, the ability to please his wife (and make love to her on a beach, an obvious sexual fantasy), and the chance to be Buster's "true father" and reverse Lucille's damage. Oscar's also a ridiculous literal "get out of jail free" card, allowing George Sr. to knock him out and steal his identity multiple times. George Sr.'s fantasy even transfers the real pain of the police brutality he's undergone, putting his made-up doppelganger through the Nightstick Mambo instead of himself.
Face it, Arrested fans. You may find all this truth shocking, but it's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face.
Deep inside us all behind our political leanings, our moral codes and our private biases, there is a cause so colossally stupid, we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it's toilet paper position, fedoras on men or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can't help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!
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